From Achiever to Dreamer

I was a creative child. I made robots out of egg cartons, became an explorer in the jungles of South America (my backyard willow tree), and wrote a 20-page book using a language I created at the age of 8. Then I began organized sports, specifically softball. Every free minute was spent either studying or practicing. I had two days off a year: Christmas and my birthday. We weren’t well off, so my goal - my parents’ goal - of a college scholarship dominated the remainder of my formative years.

I made it. I majored in English at the University of Washington and was a four-year letter winner in Softball- the first person to sign a letter of intent to play for the newly-formed team. Then adulting took over. I married (twice), divorced (twice), and created a career in technology along the way. 11 years at Amazon followed by various stints at Facebook, Twitter, Activision, and Dropbox consumed whatever little creative juice I had left.

Then at 42, the long days and short nights caught up with me. I had a panic attack on an airplane and honestly thought I was dying. My doctor told me I needed to cut back on the work, so I did. Completely. For the next 10 years, my “job” was taking care of my then-husband and our dog. I never took time to create my own life outside of that microcosm: no friends, no hobbies, no joy, really. Then at the ripe old age of 51, we decided to get divorced, and I was left with an empty husk. A clean slate. Liberation!

I made a promise to myself that would start saying yes to things. Volunteering came first, and through that I met a group of women (and their husbands) who live their best lives every single day. I said yes to attending craft days even though I didn’t think I had a creative blood vessel left in my body. I hosted a super bowl party. I now attend monthly game nights with a group of 16 (and growing!). I’m comfortable among people, which has given me more confidence. It’s a virtuous circle that I hope never abates!

College athletics is big business

That brings me to the Modern Elder Academy (MEA). The co-founder, Chip Conley, spoke at a meditation retreat I attended online. Something about his mission - to reimagine aging - resonated, and I thought, “I still have room in my empty husk and a LOT of time left on Earth. Maybe this is how I find my purpose!”. My week at the Baja, Mexico MEA campus was the most transformative experience I’ve had since… well, ever? I made amazing connections with successful, driven people from all walks of life, and I learned so much about myself that I left the retreat a different person (really!). Through myriad exercises and discussions, I realized there’s nothing standing in the way of me resurrecting the dreams of my 8-year-old self (or 50-year-old self!) other than silly fear. 

So here’s another thing I’m saying yes to. Thanks to a friend from MEA, I’ve connected with an amazing anthropologist who teaches at a university in Arizona. I’ve committed to a trip to Greece in a few months, where I hope to receive the Mycenaean Foundation’s ATREUS Fieldwork Certificate. And I’ve contacted my Alma Mater about enrolling in a few Archaeology classes on the side. 

Who knows how far this will go? I don’t expect to rise to the top of the field, and that’s okay. For the first time in my life, I’m on a journey with no real destination, and I haven’t had a panic attack. I call that a huge win. :)