A Short “Why?” Post

I began thinking about my new direction in the Old Steph way: “I should understand why I’m doing this before sinking too much time & effort into it.”. The New Steph approach? Take the journey and explore why this path tempts me so much. New Steph has less pressure on herself and is more open and prepared to weather & welcome the bumps and side quests along the way. I don’t have a goal- I just want to enjoy myself while exploring my purpose. That being said, here’s what’s rattling around in my head.

Finding Me

As I age, I find my sense of wonder atrophying. I want to rekindle the sense of joy in embracing the unfamiliar while also not just tolerating but enjoying impermanence. I’ve been bored with life and caught myself feeling like I have “being human” all figured out. I meditate, but I’m no Buddha. I need the reminder that attaining “full knowledge” only comes with a life devoted to being connected to something bigger than oneself. There’s also something spiritual about connecting with one’s ancestry, and I’d like to learn more about how I’m connected to the greater world.

Athena vs the Giant Egelados

Small Scale Global Impact :)

FYI- this will sound more grandiose than meant. I want to try to help the world, one interaction at a time, and I believe that we can all improve ‘now’ by learning from antiquity. My lack of ego doesn’t allow dreams of changing the world as a whole; I just want to create one or two ripples in the Great Pond Of Being. :-P The older I become, the clearer I see that many geopolitical issues are just repeats of past suffering. How great would it be to feel like I’ve enabled even a small step toward healing the planet? I’ve grown tired of kvetching about the state of the world. It’s time to do something - however small - while I still have the energy.

Why not just be a political historian? Honestly, because it’s not as interesting to me. Plus, IMHO, we have enough of those already, and not enough archaeologists and anthropologists. I keep asking myself, “how would a dig in Mesopotamia affect the current geopolitical climate then?”, and I’m 100% not sure of the answer there. (see? I’m exploring! I’m comfortable with not having all of the answers already!) Full disclosure, I did search this question while writing this post & now have an ‘elevator pitch’ answer. But I still want to create my own answer over time. It’s part of my quest to define my mid-life purpose.

Travel

This is my most selfish reason, so I’m including it last with the hope that only a small percentage of people will have read this far. Almost all of my travel has been in service to my occupation, with very little exploration of the peoples and cultures. I now have time to connect with the world, and I don’t want to squander the opportunity. Yes, I could just go traveling. But again, I’m not ready to spend my money without purpose or connection. Every place on Earth has a past, most of which has yet to be discovered. Why not pitch in to help unearth more of our past before it’s too late?

But Really…

I’ve been sitting with this post for a couple of days now, and it’s made me feel “icky”- like I’m having to justify myself and my decision to myself by trying to justify it to anyone who reads this. The real reason I’m doing this is simply: because I want to. I’ve put my own fulfillment on the back burner for most of my life, and I deserve to boil it for once instead. (get it? back burner? oh… never mind.) I like the way my heart feels Intensely lighter (is that an oxymoron?) when I think or talk about a discipline for which I have a lot of respect, so I want to pursue it. Heh. This post could have been two sentences. My bad. But at least now you’ve seen my “process” a bit. :-P